Merry Christmas!

Knowing that I won't be home for Christmas next year, for the first time ever, just makes this Christmas that much more special. Even when I didn't get much fun stuff, it was just great!

I am now pretty much set with my new suitcases, coupons for temple clothes and shoes, my very own missionary library, Book of Mormon and Preach my Gospel in Portuguese, letters to write home in, notebooks, personal journal, jewelry, and a Brazil Vitoria Mission shirt. That was only what I could use for my mission. I also got a bunch of candy, a Glee CD and a BYU Bands CD, pajamas, a bunch of gift cards, and some new snow boots (for the impending snow storm this week).

Also, my family got an XBox 360 with Kinect. That is basically the coolest thing ever! Even if we need to stand on the couch to get far enough away from the sensor. Seriously, seeing a 44 year old man and a 5 year old on the couch jumping around seriously made my day! It's funny really. For ever we didn't have any gaming system, but in the last 5 years or so we have gone from a Playstation 3 to a Wii to an XBox 360.

Teagan got a Kindle Fire, Tyson and Trevor got millions of legos, and my mom got her dream blender and coffee (hot-chocolate) maker.

Also, Santa left us a winter wonderland. We woke up and found a bunch of snowflakes made out of paper taped to our living room ceiling. That was pretty cool.

All-in-all, this was probably one of the best Christmases I've had. I have felt the Christmas spirit this season, and I fell like I'm growing out of the "gimme, gimme" phase and into the "i just want what i need" phase.

Except for the part where I couldn't sleep last night until about 3 am and then woke my brothers and the rest of my family at 7 am. Yep, still a kid there. And probably will be forever :)

God can, but doesn't.

So, something that I've been trying to figure out in my mind for some time now is how involved God is in our lives. I understand that in the premortal realm, Heavenly Father accepted Christ's plan, and put it into motion. The plan was that we would be sent to earth as a test, and instead of being guaranteed a spot next to God in the next life (like Lucifer's plan would have done) we would have to earn that spot. I've also learned that God is in control of all things, that God has laid down a plan for all of us, and that God knows everything. For some reason I just couldn't get all of these facts to mesh, gel,, whatever, in my mind. Until I realized the one thing I was missing...

Free Agency.

After an interesting talk with my father, I see it like this. God has this helper who we call the Holy Spirit or the Holy Ghost. He can put thoughts into our heads, and whether or not we can distinguish them from ourselves or the spirit is up to us. Sometimes people can't but follow good promptings anyways. Yay! Sometimes people can't distinguish the difference, but ignore all good thoughts. No! Sometimes people distinguish the difference and only follow the spirit. Yay! Sometimes...you get the point.

Also, there is a plan laid out for all of us. When I got my patriarchial blessing I was told that those promises made in it would come to pass only if I was obedient. It is the same way with the plan God has laid out before us. If we listen to the spirit, or even the good thoughts in our heads, and follow Christ, the He will lead us along our chosen path. And even though sometimes we will run into hard times, which can only make us stronger if we lean on Him, most of the time, the only things on our paths are good.

The really bad things happen when we leave that path, that plan that has been laid out before us, and stop listening to the spirit, or the good thoughts inside our heads. This isn't a part of God's plan, this is a part of Satan. So sometimes God, through the spirit, tries to get us to do good, and Satan, through his dark angels, tries to get us to do good. God cannot force people into submissiion. That just isn't what he does. Free agency, remember?

So, basically, I believe that God has a plan for each of us. If we follow good, we will walk along that path and end up on God's right hand. If we refuse good, we will be cast out. God knows all things, and can control all things. But He doesn't because He gave us free agency.

There is no such thing as inferior with God.

The whole time I was "growing up" I somehow came to believe that those called to stateside missions were somehow inferior to those called to foreign missions. And those asked to serve a mission in English were somehow inferior to those asked to teach in a foreign language. Therefore, I came to the conclusion that the ultimate way to prove that you were completely capable in the eyes of God was to be called to a foreign, non-English speaking mission. I WAS WRONG! 

With all the mission calls being issued in the past few weeks, I see people I know going to Mississippi, Argentina, Georgia, Brazil, Germany, and many, many other places throughout the world. And let me be the one to tell you, those girls (and boys) who are being called to stateside, English-speaking missions are so much better than I am. 

I know that God calls His missionaries to wherever He needs that specific person. There is someone in Brazil who needs to hear the gospel from a tall gringo, with bad portuguese. And there is someone in Mississippi who needs to hear the gospel from a fiery red-head who knows her stuff. Mission calls are absolutely inspired from God.

Also, I thought that I might feel like I might want to go on my mission to another place, other than where I got my mission call to. But I was also wrong about that. I have never, ever been out of the United States (unless you call going to Victoria, Canada out of the states, which I don't), And South America never crossed my mind as a potential mission. I always considered England, or Australia, or Africa. 

Never. Brazil.

But I have had confirmation that there is someone in Brazil who needs me there. And that the Brazil Vitoria Mission is the best mission in the world. And to think I've never even been there. I can't imagine how I'm going to feel when I actually get there!

116 days and counting...I can't wait!

He has a plan for me.

The more I think about serving a mission on the southeast coast of Brazil, speaking Portuguese with the locals, I have way mixed feelings.

Sometimes I think, "What am I doing?!? I don't know the gospel that well, I don't know if I can get through the day on 8 hours of sleep, I don't know if I can learn Portuguese enough to speak fluently in 3 months, I don't know if I really want to go to Brazil, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know!"

Other times,  when I'm calmed and praying, I think, "I have been called to serve these Brazilian people. I don't need to know the language perfectly, all I need to do is love and serve them. Out of any of the places in the world I could have been called, I've been called to South America. It never crossed my mind as a possibility. I have a purpose in doing this and God is in all things. The spirit will help me in all I do because I am doing this for the salvation for mankind."

I leave my home in Pennsylvania in 118 days. I fly straight to Sao Paulo, Brazil and begin my mission. For 18 months, life isn't about me. Life is about loving those who live in southeast Brazil.

Eu sei que meu Pai Celestial tem um plano para mim. E servir uma missão só acontece de ser nas cartas. Vai ser difícil, mas vai valer a pena. Às vezes eu quero ir para casa e às vezes eu nunca vai querer sair. Deus vai se alegrar comigo e vai me fortalecer. Fui chamado para servir.

Chamado para servi-Lo, rei da glória celestial.

I have been called to serve in the Brazil Vitoria mission. I will report to the Brazil MTC on Wednesday April 10, 2013. I will be speaking Portuguese, and it is anticipated that I will serve for a period of 18 months.

This feels so unreal. Like I'm in a dream, or something. I have been waiting for my mission call all week, well actually all my life, and it finally came today. I let it sit for a little while, and then I took it down to my bedroom to open it alone. I said a prayer and asked God to help me know that this is where He needs me to go. And I feel like it is. I feel like I should be terrified right about now. In 4 months from Monday, I will be in a foreign country where no one speaks my language. I will have a few weeks to learn a new language and how to teach people in this new language and then I will be sent out on the streets of Brazil, with a companion, to teach people about the gospel of Jesus Christ. I should be terrified. But I'm not. I am excited, and nervous, and have had a good deal of second thoughts today. But every time I have one of those thoughts, I realize that God has called me to the Brazil Vitoria mission for a reason. And it is my privilege to find out what that reason is.

I will very soon be a missionary for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints.

And...

I couldn't be happier!

Thanksgivin'

As a "warning" to what I am about to say...I am in no way un-thankful for the sacrifice the pilgrims gave for us to have what we have.

So, I believe that Thanksgiving is overrated, unless, there is extended family to celebrate with. If you are like my family, nomads essentially, we are thousands of miles away from any family, and therefore, had a very lonely thanksgiving. The last few years, my family hasn't even made a thanksgiving dinner. They've gone to a local church for their Thanksgiving dinner. This year our ward had a thanksgivinng dinner at our church, but it just wasn't special.

I think that we shouldn't need a special day for giving thanks. If you have family nearby, great, count your blessings and gather together for a special dinner. But if not, don't feel bad that this holiday just isn't your favorite.

I am pretty sure that, unless my husband just LOVES thanksgiving, we are just going to have a nice day off work, do nothing, and then go to a restaurant for dinner.

Just sayin'.

Officially Recommended...

Today, I've been officially recommended for missionary service by both my branch president and my stake president. It feels so incredible. I seriously cannot stop smiling.

I know I've said this over and over, but I know that what this church teaches is true.

There is such a thing as a prophet here on this earth and his name is Thomas S Monson. I truly believe that President Monson receives counsel from our Heavenly Father for us to hear in this latter day. I believe that the Book of Mormon was written for these days. The stories in this sacred book were written for our use, not for those people who lived with Nephi or Moroni. I know this, and I want you to know this too.

If you have questions about my religion or about the happiness I've attained because of it, please ask.

Forklifts and Cop Cars

What do forklifts and cops have in common? They both have flashing lights that FREAK me out!!!

I have been pulled over way too many times. Most of the time for stupid reasons, and one time for a legitimate reason. Whatever. Anyways, somehow I've gotten away with zero tickets. Thank goodness. But, anytime I see a cop car with flashing lights behind me I freak out. My heart starts pounding and my hands start shaking. Its kind of ridiculous.

Like one time, I was driving to work and I look in my rearview mirror and I see flashing lights so I pull over and hope that they aren't coming for me. But the car behind me just kept on driving. So I turn and look behind me and I notice that the cop has ALREADY pulled someone over. I felt pretty much like an idiot.

So, I drive the forklift at my work and am a go between between converting and shipping. I take the finished product from the floor back to the warehouse. Anyways, my forklift has a flashing light on the back and I cannot count the amount of times I've noticed a flashing light and freaked out that I was getting pulled over, only to realize that I'm at work, in the warehouse, on my forklift, BY MYSELF.

Silly,, I know.

I'm going on a mission.

So, a few weeks ago, a historical announcement was made which changed the face of missionary work all over the world. Women can go on their missions at 19. TWO whole years earlier than was previously allowed. Wow. Mind Blown.

Really, though. I have been considering, and then planning on going on a mission for the last year. But I am only 19. And I still had two more years to wait before I could go on a mission. So, I decided to travel, work, and then go on a mission. Then I decided to just work and go on a mission. Then I decided to go back to school and then go on a mission. Whatever my current plan was, I was always going to go on a mission. In two years. But whatever my plan was at that moment, I never was fully satisfied. I had been saving money, something I had never done before and I had just sent my beautiful best friend on her mission to Arizona. And then the announcement was made. I seriously felt giddy.

So, I started wondering and searching and praying for whether or not I should go. I asked family for advice, and I consulted my patriarchial blessing. Weeks later I had not gotten a resounding yes or no. So, I wrote to by beautiful best friend and asked for her advice. I received her letter yesterday and it basically gave me words of encouragement and told me she thought I already had gotten my answer. I think I've gotten it too. Money saved. 19 years old. Considering it for a year. Patriarchial blessing. Feelings. Everything pointed to yes.

So, I'm going on a mission. A real, honest to goodness, 18 month mission. Now. I have started my papers and am hoping to maybe get a call by the end of December. What? Crazy. I know.

I also know that this gospel is true. I know we have true teachings from God himself, and I know God loves us. Each of us. Me and you. I know there is a plan out there for me, and I also know it is up to me to follow it or not. I know I am happier when I am following His commandments and I know you can be too. I know family is the most important thing in this life and in the next life. I know I want to be with them forever. I know there is a next life and a loving Heavenly Father and caring big brother, Jesus Christ waiting for us with open arms, ready to say "you made it. Welcome home". I look forward to hearing that. I hope that if you do not know these things that you are willing to find out for yourself. It is important.

November: The Thankful Month

I'm a little late to jump on the bandwagon, but I'm jumping nonetheless. No month should be solely for giving thanks, just to forget the rest of the months, but this month the focus is especially on giving thanks, just because of the holiday it houses: Thanksgiving. I will write something I am thankful for for every day of the month that's passed so far.

1: I am thankful for my education. I've had the opportunity to graduate high school and get some college experience under my belt and it has made me grow up so much!

2: Im thankful for my religion. I've had my fair share of doubts and questions, but when it all comes down to the wire, I know there is a God in Heaven who cares for me. I know there is such a thing as angels and Heaven and a big brother of mine named Jesus Christ.

3: I am thankful for my mother. She puts up with so much from me and she still sticks around.

4: I am thankful for my father. He always knows what to say to make me feel better and he always makes some time for me no matter how busy he is.

5: I'm thankful for my job. It sucks sometimes, but there are a lot of good things to balance out the bad. Like the good money, job security, and days off.

6: I am thankful for friends. I've gone through lots and lots of friends in my life and very few have stuck. Those who have are pretty darn special. Especially when I have such awful friend skills.

7: I'm so thankful for missionaries. My family wouldn't be what it is today if it werent for those missionaries who helped guide my dad to the church.. My best friend is on a mission and is doing so great. I am grateful for the good examples the missionaries that I know are.

8: I am thankful for my house and my money. I'm not rich but I'm definitely not poor either. I have never needed anything and I have plenty of room to run around. Some people aren't anywhere near so fortunate.

9: I'm thankful for dreams. I said earlier that I didn't have any dreams or goals that are mine but I realize now that I do. I dream of traveling the world and I dream of making a difference, whether it be in someone else's life or in the way the world is. I look forward to doing that.

10: I'm grateful for authors who have imaginations. I love to pick up a good book and just get away for a while and if there weren't any people willing to write good books, I wouldn't have anything to read.

11: I'm grateful for those who are fighting for this country, for our veterans. Sometimes I'm not sure what they are fighting for, but if they know and they are willing to do it, then kudos to them. I'm just not that strong.

12: I'm grateful for technology. The ability to mindlessly escape to facebook or hulu are so great. Cell phones also help keep us safe and give a security blanket that I use constantly.

Tys and Teag

My brothers and sister and pretty phenomenal. Here are some pictures of our adventures the last two days:

Leaf fight!

These faces of theirs while they are throwing leaves in the air are great! We were walking to the park last night and found a couple of leaf piles. It was just too much to resist. I'm not sure whoever raked those leaves were too appreciative though :)

About 30 seconds after waking up.

I LOVE THIS PICTURE!

He thought Trev's Alg 1 textbook was pretty cool.

She did her own makeup. Can you tell?

Happy Birthday to me!

As my birthday loomed closer I determined that I didn't desire anything for my birthday. I was content with what I had and I wasn't really looking forward to my birthday. I knew I had very few friends who would care, just because I'm pretty lousy at being a good friend, and I had to work ALL WEEKEND. I had braced myself for an okay day.

I came home friday, the 9th, after work to some yummy calzones and a decorated house. It was a nice surprise "party". My mom bought me my favorite cake from Wegmans, the one the Deans introduced me to on my 16th birthday. My sister regifted me a singing dog she got for Christmas last year and my dad gave me a basket full of the stuff needed to make chocolate chip cookies. For like 3 batches. Complete with vanilla, flour, sugar, and even eggs and butter. It really was an ingenious gift. And then my mom said she was going to save my gift from her for Christmas. I was not happy with that but I let it go and decided not to make a big deal of that. 

On Saturday, I woke up at 6 for work and was secretly hoping for breakfast. No such luck. Then at work I kept my phone with me all day and was hoping for atleast a happy birthday text from my parents. No such luck. I was kind of devastated. I just wanted to cry. I had one coworker remember that it was my birthday and I got a whispered 'happy birthday' from him. My supervisor completely forgot and I know I mentioned it to him atleast 3 times. It was just an awful day. And then about 6 my mom texted me and gave me 2 choices for my birthday dinner., which was really unexpected, but neither of which were really great. I picked the better of the two with the hopes of a free birthday dessert. We got to the restaurant and 2 of my siblings were not there. Ok fine. I decided to try something new and ordered nachos. They were awful. Really awful. I ate about 10 chips total. Then the waitress came and asked if we needed anything else, said the didn't do anything for birthdays, and then felt bad and decided to 'hook me up". She came back with the biggest, best piece of chocolate cake I've ever had. It was SO GOOD! 

Then at home I broke down and freaked out about people not caring about my birthday. I was a brat. I tried really hard not to do that, but it just all built up and came out. Then my brother came down with my present from my mom and just  said 'mom says happy birthday'. My present was a beautiful watch with changeable watchbands. It is so perfect! I LOVE IT. 

On Sunday I got off work at 1, instead of at 7, and we had my birthday dinner. I chose hamburgers with cheese and caramelized onions and cheesy beans made with velveeta. My mom also made homemade mac and cheese. Dinner was so good! 

So, basically, the day before and the day after my birthday were really, really great. The day of was pretty awful, except for the cake and the watch. I've just decided that I need to start now and get prepared that birthdays aren't a big deal anymore. I'm in my 20's and if anyone remembers anymore I'll be lucky. If I get a present, it'll be a huge deal. But just in case I'm not mentally prepared for my 21st birthday, just be ready. 

I'll probably me a monster on my actual birthday day. 

HALLOWEEN

I know it's a little late. I CANNOT believe it is 1/3 of the way through November. Um, what? Anyways, Halloween this year was just a blur. It was really weird.

I didn't have any plans for halloween this year. I was going to go to our ward trunk or treat but they canceled it because of Frankenstorm, the storm of the century, or whatever you want to call it. And... I had to work the night shift, from 7 pm on the 31st to 7 am on the 1st. So I couldn't go to any of the Halloween activities at my siblings school because I was sleeping. I did go out trick or treating with my little brother about 530 that night, but there was NO ONE OUT! So my brother and I have claimed the status of first trick or treaters in 2012. It was just so odd. But as we made our way up the street, in the daylight, trick or treaters started following our lead and coming out of their houses after we had gone to them. By 630 the whole neighborhood was out in full force.

I didn't dress up this year, but I haven't for quite a few years now, so that was no surprise. But my brother and sister had about 29 different Halloween costumes this year. For actual Halloween night my brother was a death eater from Harry Potter and my sister was Ginny Weasley, Harry Potter's wife. (without the red hair). Everyone thought my brother's costume was pretty freaky and no one could quite tell who my sister was. Everyone thought she was Harry Potter and she wasn't very pleased with that. Both of their costumes were complete with unsharpened pencils acting as their wands.

My 5 year old brother was absolutely hilarious this year with Halloween. We went to about 15 houses up and down our street and then we stopped by our house to warm up. And I asked my brother, tys, if he wanted to go to more houses. He said no. I was shocked. I know that when I was his age, I went to every house possible and got all the candy I could. So tys hung out around our house and answered the door and handed out candy for about 5 minutes. And then he got tired of that and put the bowl on the porch. And then he decided to sit on the porch with the bowl. And then we turned the light off and saved the candy for the rescheduled trunk or treat for Nov 2.

This year, Halloween was weird.

It's all how you view it.

One thing I’ve realized recently is that everything is relative. If something is hard, it’s not really hard. It’s just HARDER than yesterday or the day before or the last time you tried that thing. That’s the same thing with “I feel hot” or “it’s so cold” or “I’m bored” or even “I am so tall!” Very few things are so real, so true, that how you feel about them can’t be changed.

For example, I ran track and field off and on for most of my middle school and high school years. My freshman year I was a sprinter and we had to run a lot because we were at the high school and it was hard. In the past it had just been go to practice, run a few lengths of the hurdles, sit around and talk, and then go home. Suddenly it was run half a mile to warm up, run a mile for conditioning, then run a few lengths of the hurdles or the 200 m, and then run another half mile for a cool down. We would end up running probably 3 or 4 miles during each practice and we would have practice every day. It was hard.

So I told myself it was easy.

Running was sissy stuff. I could do this in my sleep. It took me a few weeks but then eventually I didn’t mind running. It used to be hard but then it was easy. I’ve done the same thing with work.

My first day back at  work this year I came home and bawled for pretty close to 2 hours. It was hard. Really hard. I was so ready to quit. And if it hadn’t been for my loving parents I would have. But, now it’s easy. My job includes various degrees of busy. Sometimes I have to erect boxes for 1 machine, sometimes I have to erect boxes for 2 or 3. Other times I have to label boxes for just 1 machine and other times I have to label boxes for as many as 6 machines. Sometimes I’m bored and my job is easy. Other times I’m busy and my job is hard. But it’s all completely relative.

So, basically, what I’m trying to say is that when you feel an unpleasant emotion, YOU have control over it. When you’re bored, make life more interesting. When you’re cold, remember someone is colder than you. When you’re sad, remember you’ve been sadder before and you’ve been happier before and you will be happy again. I will do my best to remember this, but if I get to complaining too much, just remind me:

Life is relative. It will get better and it can immediately if you just change your thinking. It’s all up to you.

Almost 20...#2

11) I am absolutely in love with American Sign Language.

12) Seriously craving spaghetti right now.

13) I am so afraid of the dark, it's really ridiculous. Every time I'm in the dark,, I get this feeling like I need to scream and run and draw attention to myself so I don't get taken wihtout a trace.

14) I HATE having bare feet. unless they're in sandals. Otherwise I always need to either have my feet covered by a blanket or having socks on.

15) I want blonde hair and sometimes I think I could pull it off with my ditzy personality. Othertimes I think it would look ridiculous on me. Also, I'm so unadventerous with permanent things it's silly.

16) I buy bobby pins so often and I always only end up exactly 3 left in a pack before I need to buy another pack. I blame my parents for always throwing them away.

17) I have the hardest time doing laundry. Good thing I have SO MANY CLOTHES!

18) I love photography. Taking pictures is so fun and I especially love taking photos of buildings and scenery and flowers. People are fun, too but not my favorite.

19) Music was a HUGE part of my life for 8+ years. And now I haven't touched an instrument in almost 3 years. I seriously dream of musical instruments. I think when I finally get back into it I will take up violin or cello.

Almost 20...

My 20th birthday is in 15 days. I am almost 2 decades old. Um, ok. So in honor of being almost not 19 anymore here are 19 random things about me:

1)The closer my birthday is, the more stuff I want. But I don't want it in 2 weeks or 6 weeks (for Christmas). I want it now. So I end up just buying it myself. I think I spend more money in the weeks leading up to my birthday and Christmas than I do the rest of the year.

2) I am super into instant gratification. Major Problem.

3) I basically work in solitary confinement. So I end up talking to myself and singing to myself. I may just be going crazy. Maybe.

4) I have an addictive personality. My whole family does. Currently I am addicted to cookie dough and television. More specifically HULU. Does anyone see fat old cat lady in the works?

5) I HATE, HATE, HATE working night shift. 7pm-7am. It sucks. Never seeing daylight just makes for a depressing me and then the days I have off are really nights off and even then I only see my family for a few extra hours. And my days off are spent in solitary confinement, or so it feels. That makes for 30 days of solitary little old me. Not good.

6) Sometimes I feel like my life will be over tomorrow or when I turn 20 or 25 or something like that. I kind of have a problem living in the moment. I'm working on that.

7) I went to South Carolina last week and it was my first time south of Moab, Utah. I am absolutely convinced that cotton fields are the COOLEST THING EVER!!!

8) I want long hair so bad, but I have no patience for combing my hair even now and I love getting my hair cut too much to let it grow.

9) I want to travel to places I've never been and to places no one else really wants to go. I want to go to Dar Es Salaam, Tanzania; I want to go to the Dingle Peninsula, Ireland (or basically hike from coast to coast) ; I want to go to someplace in Australia.

10) I am quickly deciding that the only American food places I like are McDonalds and Burger King. I'm not really sure what that says about me.

Numbers 10-19 coming soon...

Dreams

This week I was lucky enough to be able to go to South Carolina with my dad for a much needed vacation. Even though my dad was at work all week, and I was alone all week, and it was a 10+ hour drive, it was still a lot of fun!

I got to do a lot of shopping, money-spending, and LOTS of driving.

On Wednesday, I decided that instead of sitting around the hotel or driving around getting lost I should go to Myrtle Beach. So, I drove and drove and drove, and 2 hours later, I saw the Ripley's Aquarium in Myrtle Beach. So I stopped, spent a great deal of money and saw some freaking cool sharks and jellyfish. Afterwards, I drove some more and finally found the beach. It wasn't Myrtle Beach...I couldn't actually find that one. I did end up at Surfside Beach, the family beach. Oh, well. It was clean and long and sandy. I love the beach!

So, as I was walking along the beach I realized something. I realized I have no dreams....

And this is a major problem.

Sure I say I have a goal to graduate college, have a family, go on a mission, but those aren't really dreams. Those are things I am just waiting and expecting to happen. Problem.

Also, I have realized that my life is boring. Like really boring. Like I go to work, sleep, eat, and spend time with my family. My best friends are 5 and 8! I was complaining just the other day that high school was turning out to be the best time of my life so far. I went cool places, had cool friends, and had cool dreams. Now, not so much. I've become complacent and lethargic and BORING.

So, this week, I am going to make real goals and create real dreams. I am going to create the life I want and I'm going to stop waiting around for something to change. I'll let you know soon what those dreams are when I know.

Missions and Missionaries

So, today at General Conference, President Monson, my church's prophet, seer, and revelator made a historic accouncement. That announcement lowered the age to serve a mission from 19 to 18 for young men and from 21 to 19 for young women. Monumental.

I have spent the last year debating on what to do for the next couple of years until I turn 21 and can go on a mission. And going on a mission has always been the plan. I don't plan to go on a mission because my parents have told me I need to. I don't plan on going on a mission because everybody else is or because if I don't I'll apostasize and become a drug addict. I plan to go on a mission because I want to. I have seen the good that missionaries can bring to people's lives and I have seen the good that this church has brought to my life. Why wouldn't someone want to share something that has bettered them. That's almost like eating chocolate and not ever sharing it with anyone. ever. Even if it tastes better than anything you've ever had. If you find something good, you always want to share. And that is how this religion is for me.

Since the announcement from President Monson this morning at 12 EST the online world has exploded. On my facebook page, all young women who are 19 or 20 have a status referring to "major life changes ahead" or "whoa" or even, my personal favorite, "and God said let there be no 19 year olds at BYU and it was done". But the internet has also exploded with not so favorable reactions to the announcement. Many people think that this is a ploy by the Mormon church to take away free agency from their young members a year sooner. Or a way to brainwash their youth. Or whatnot. I say again, I do not plan to serve a mission because I've been told I must. Or because everyone else is. Or because I'm afraid of falling away from the church and this is the ONLY way to prevent that. No.

I plan to serve a mission because I believe in my Savior Jesus Christ. I believe that He and my Heavenly Father have given me everything that I have and more. I believe that they have sacrificed everything for me, and if I give them a year and a half of my life (which isn't really giving it away, it'll still affect me for the better), I will become a better person for it. And I believe that if I can improve just one person's life with what I know, then why not go?

I plan to serve a mission because I must for me and my Lord and Savior.

I loaded that.

You know those semi trucks that you see all over the freeway? The big trucks that go so slow, probably because they are loaded to capacity with whatever it is they are carrying? Those trucks with names like Smith, or Mayflower, or my personal favorite, Cain is Able? Yeah, I loaded that.

At work yesterday, I told my boss in shipping I didn't have much to do so if they needed my help to let me know. So, she said I could learn how to load a truck. I mean, I now know how to put finished pallets of plastic bags inside a semi. I just feel so legit! :) My boss also told me that if it was a holiday, or if they were really busy, or if they had an "emergency" truck to unload, that they would have me do it.

What that? Hard work really is rewarded? That's. good. to. know.

Lazy Day Off

I worked 40 hours this weekend, from Thursday to Sunday. I have so many things I need to be doing this week, but today I just had a lazy day off. And in addition to that, yesterday I asked my siblings what they would want to do if they could do absolutely anything in this area. Teag said she would want to rent 3 redbox movies and eat ice cream in the living room while watching said movies.  Tys said he would want to go to an arcade. And Trev wouldn't give me a straight answer. Still waiting on that one.

Anyways, Teagan claimed that she was sick today and got to stay home from school, so I decided today would be a good day to do her activity. This morning, at 9:30, I went to Giant and got Tin-Tin, The Note 3, and Big Miracle, along with $15 worth of ice cream. I new it was going to be a good day at that point! So, my little sister and I have been sitting, laying, and otherwise being lazy in the living room since 10:00 this morning. That was 5 hours ago, and we are just about to finish our third movie.

I really do need to tackle my long to-do list, but this was too good to pass up.

Off to the arcade tomorrow! :)

Going Back...

I have been trying to write this post in my head for a while, but I just couldn't get the words perfect. So here goes nothing...

Someone once said,
"You never know what you have until it's gone"
Someone also said,
"Never let the fear from striking out keep you from playing the game"

These two quotes have been instrumental in helping me make my decision on where to go for the next stage of my life. I "took a break" from school this semester with the idea that I was really taking an idefinite break from college. I was so done with it. I wasn't happy with how BYU met my expectations and I wasn't happy with how I, thought, I had been failing. I felt like I'd been failing at most things there. Now I know that I have had some pretty unreal and unfair expectations of myself and of BYU. But I've been working on that.

So I have now decided to go back. I am going back to school and I am going back to Provo. I have come to the conclusion that I really do need a college education, and that it doesn't need to be finished before I turn 21 or even in 4 years. I am going to go back with money in my pocket and a drive to find a job. I am going to graduate as debt free as possible. I am going to do my best but I am not going to stop trying because I fall short sometimes.

Throughout my life I have been really, really good at excelling among mediocre people. But not so good at excelling around exceptional people. That is why BYU scared me so much. BYU is full of exceptional people who I felt I had no business competing against because I always fell short. So I let my fear of failing keep me from trying anymore.

This time going back to school, I am not going to go in a whirlwind of not knowing what was going to happen and settling for things. I am going to do it my way. With my choice of housing, my car, and my money.

Therefore, if you happen to get to the end of this, I applaud you. I also need your help. For tthose of you in Provo, I am now looking for decent priced housing in Provo starting in January. I would love for you to let me know if you hear of any apt's for rent relatively near BYU.

Thanks!

Always remember. Never forget.

In January, my family and I took a trip to New York City to see all the sights. It was a must trip, since the city is a mere 4 hours from my house. Among the sights we saw were Times Square, the statue of liberty, the subway, and the 9/11 memorial site.  Of all the places we went, the most memorable was definitely the memorial.

As we were walking around the water monuments, my little 8 year old sister, Tea, turned to me and asked why we were there. I proceeded to try to explain to her what had happened that day and just couldn't without getting emotional. I was about the same age as her when the twin towers fell and I can't say that I clearly remember that day, but I do know the impact that that day has had on my life.

I was in fourth grade. Just 8 years old. I do remember coming home from school and my parents telling me what had happened that day. At such a young age I didn't grasp the impact of what they had told me. I didn't grasp the amount of lives lost or the amount of courage those people, rescuers, people in the buildings, and plane passengers, had. I still don't but I do know the feeling that swells within me when I think about it. I am so grateful to those people, and to the security measures that my country has put in place to prevent this type of tragedy from happening again.

Always remember. Never forget.

Not real sure...

Um, hello SEPTEMBER! I'm not really sure where these last few months went. Not so sure at all. This summer i've just been working my butt off trying to pay off some debts and save some money. I've also been so dang CONFUSED!! This last year, really, has been so hard.

I left school in April convinced that I was going to China to teach english in August and that I was not returning to BYU. I would then go on an LDS mission and then go from there and find an ASL program.

Then I postponed my trip to China until January.

Then I decided to go to Lithuania instead in January.

Then I was going to go to Lithuania next August and then go on a mission right after.

Well...then I was going to nix that whole idea and join the army.

Then it evolved into enlisted army, ROTC at BYU, just getting my degree, peace corps, just moving to Utah and working...I hope you can now see why I am just c.o.n.f.u.s.e.d.

The ability to do absolutely anything with my life is absolutely terrifying. I can only hope that whatever I decide is within what God has in mind for me and that He will guide me. God only knows what January will hold in store for me =]

My Work Sucks...

So, basically, my job sucks. Like really. I work at a grocery bag factory doing manual labor. I am a factory worker. I work 12 hour days, anywhere between 3 and 6 times a week. I work in 100+ degree heat with little ventilation. I have to wear a wonderful highlighter yellow/neon green shirt (I'm not really sure what color it is) and I get no vacation days. I am on my feet for the majority of the 12 hours "packing" machines. Which means I load cardboard boxes into and take cardboard boxes full of plastic bags out of the machine. My job is boring.

HOWEVER...

This job is really, really good for me. Like really. I really don't mind hard work if I know the reason for it. For example, sports practices in high school were tolerable because we were allowed to sit for breaks pretty often, and they were only 3 or 4 hours at the most. I don't mind hard work, if it's not too hard. I've never had to REALLY work hard. In my life. Ever. I am learning stamina from this job. If something is hard, it's ok. And if I feel like I'm dying but still have a job to do, as long as I haven't fainted yet or am still on my feet, I CAN DO IT.

This job is also great for finding out who I am. I'm still not so sure the type of person I am, and even though I work in a factory there are still some really great people that work there. Like there's this guy, an operator who operates the 3 bag machines I have been packing all month, is amazing. He was told when he became an operator, by his operator, that he needed to remember where he came from. So, in addition to doing his operator duties, he is VERY OFTEN out helping me pack and during breaks he packs half of my 6 machines. Amazing. He is also always saying 'thank you' for every little thing that I try to help him out with and also ALWAYS thanks me for a good day running the machines. He even says thank you for no reason at all and gives genuine complements often. I have learned that even though people expect factory workers to be coarse and mean and use foul language, factory workers can also be kind and helpful. You cannot allow your job to define you. You cannot allow others to define you.

 You have to define you.

My Daddy

My daddy is:

• an amazing man. He is basically a superhero.
• incredibly supportive. When I got straight A's in high school, he cheered me on and when I got B's and C's in college he would regale me with stories about his 1.5 GPA his first year of college.
• a great listener. Whenever I would get homesick, I would call my daddy and he would sit on the phone for hours and just listen to me complain and cry. This seriously happened at least once a month.
• my travel companion. Even though we won't be literally traveling the world together, he tells me about how great some places are and where I should go and where I shouldn't. I seriously can't wait until I can travel like he did.
• a super father. After 4 kids and almost 20 years he is still patient and loving with me and my siblings. It really is the greatest thing ever.
• strong in the gospel. As a convert he knows what life is like without the gospel in his life and he knows what life is like with the gospel in it. He has, thankfully, chosen life with the gospel and has raised (and is still raising) my siblings on the straight and narrow.
• a really great pancake maker. Seriously. If I didn't have him I would eat pancakes much, much less.

I seriously cannot imagine life without my father. He is my rock. I am so grateful for the 20+ years that my mom and dad have been married. If it weren't for that I'm not sure what kind of a man my dad would be ;) Thank you daddy for everything that you do!

I LOVE YOU DADDY!

Decisions and Life

Holy Geez!!! I really, really  need to learn how to make decisions and stick with them. But, I guess it's better to be picky and satisfied than passive and not. There have been lots of these moments in my life recently...

First and foremost of these decisions was the decision to go to China in August of 2012 with the International Language Program. The first change was that I was going to be short of money, so I was going to go to China in February of 2013. But then I just couldn't feel satisfied with China. I have never really wanted to go there and I just couldn't get excited about it. But then Lithuania was added as a country where ILP goes and I snatched the last spot available for January of 2013. And I couldn't be more excited! It's been almost a week since that decision has been made and I was never this freaking excited about going to China!!! I'M GOING TO EUROPE! FINLAND, NORWAY, UKRAINE, LITHUANIA, THE BALTIC, and maybe (hopefully) LONDON AND PARIS!!!

The second of these decisions had to do with my summer vacation to Idaho in July. Initially the plan was for my family to go out the end of June and for me to come out on the 4th of July and to be there for the rest of that week, because that worked with my work schedule. But then I decided that I hate my job and that I am ready to quit. Like now. But that would be the unprofessional. So I can't. Anyways, I decided I could just quit my job and go to Idaho with my family and then come back in July and find a new one. And pay $150 to change my plane ticket. And work a week less and lose almost $400. So it was almost a $600 decision and the risk of not being able to find another job. So, this decision is one that stayed as the original plan. I will be going to Idaho on July 4th and it is as yet undecided whether or not I will be finding another job.

One more decision that I wish I had the capability to take back was that of not going back to school next year. I wish I could. I wish I had the money. But I don't. Oh, well.

So, during my 12 hour shifts at work, I have a lot of time to think. And to sing songs in my head. I have found 2 songs that have quickly become my very favorites and have basically changed my life.

• #1) Man on a Tractor by Rodney Atkins-and it goes a little bit like this
•  "It's not about living another man's life, it's about living your own differently"
• #2) Sweet Serendipity by Lee Dewyze:
•  "And I'm doing just fine, always landing on my feet. In the nic of time and by the skin of my teeth. I ain't gonna stress cause the worst ain't happened yet. Something's watching over me!"

Reasons Why...

As the time for me to go home for the summer approaches and the school years is ending, I keep saying to my friends and roommates "The main reason I can't wait to be home is ..." So, I thought I could just make a list:

REASONS WHY I CAN'T WAIT TO BE HOME!

1. I will have a job! And an income!
2. I can start getting out of debt!
3. I don't have to go grocery shopping!
4. I will have kitchen and storage space!
5. I will have my own room!
6. I can give my sister her birthday present!
7. I will be done with school for a really long while!
8. I will be so much closer to China!
9. I will be able to use my mom's nice camera!
10. I will finally know my schedule and be able to make summer plans!
11. I will be able to make cookies with a mixer, and not just a fork!
12. I will be able to play with and spend time with my brothers!
13. I will be able to play with and spend time with my sister!
14. I will have a car!
15. I can start fundraising and collecting for China!
16. I will be able to have N'Dulge cupcakes again!
17. I can have UTZ chips again!
18. I will have a TV!
19. I WILL JUST BE HOME WITH MY FAMILY!

Societal Pressures

So, today, I had an interesting conversation with my roommate and came to some startling realizations. I learned that I tend to lean heavily on expectations of me created by me and others. I also lean heavily on how I think everyone else views something. For example, after my parents tried to convince me many, many times to take a year off between high school and college, in order to work and save money and get a little older (I was 17), I completely ignored them. Not only did I want to go to college immediately, instead of waiting for the fall semester, I had to go to college two days after I graduated high school. I was 17, broke, and naive. However, hindsight is 20/20. Looking back, after these last almost 2 1/2 years, I wonder what the heck was I thinking?!? I hadn't.

First of all, BYU was the only school that I ever wanted to go to. I had grown up my entire life knowing that BYU was the most difficult LDS school to get into, and I thrive on competition. I had grown up knowing that my daddy went to BYU and that if he did it, then I could do it. I had grown up knowing BYU was a very cheap school and that college was expensive. I had grown up knowing BYU was pretty much all mormons, except for maybe 2 percent of the campus population. I had grown up knowing that a college education was important. I had grown up with the idea that you graduate high school, go to college and get married, and settle down and be happy. I was so wrong!

College competition is hard. In college you actually have to do this thing called studying. Who knew? My daddy didn't go to BYU until after he was married and had life experience. He didn't go to college at 17 and succeed. like he did. College is so expensive. I've been here almost 2 1/2 years and I am so broke it isn't even funny. I work and earn maybe 4000 each summer, but then go off to college and spend twice that much on everything. Having a college education is important, but it does not need to be completed before one turns 22. It just won't happen. Finishing college in 4 years is basically a fantasy that every high schooler is made to believe. Now I just laugh. After 2+ years I am so finished. Don't get me wrong, I want to graduate, and have a degree, but I am so burnt out! I am so excited that I have been given the opportunity to go abroad and travel for a while and then that my religion gives me the opportunity to go serve a mission for a year and a half. Because of these options, I have time to think and decide for sure what I really want to do.  Just in the last year I've decided and rejected atleast 3 different majors: exercise science (for physical therapy); business (to consult with and improve businesses); and an American Sign Language major (for ASL interpretation). And in the last 2 weeks I've gotten interested in photography and culinary school.

Honestly, I'm done letting society tell me what I should be doing and when I should be doing it. I am only 19 years old, dang it! I don't need to be married. I don't need to breeze through college in 3 years, nonstop. I don't need to be stick thin. I don't need to be super in debt. I only need to be who I want to be. And thankfully, I have the best people on my side: my mom and dad; my siblings; and my Heavenly Father.

Desserts. Photographs. ASL. Awesome.

So, generally, every weekend I search Pinterest and find a recipe or two that seem like they would be really fun to make. And generally, they are desserts, wait, they are always desserts and generally, they turn out great! That is one career path I can see myself going down is opening a bakery, but instead of just having breads and cakes, I would have all kinds of innovative desserts. Just in the last few months, I have made chocolate chip cookie dough cupcakes; brownie rollups; cookie dough covered brownies; peanut butter cups; oreo stuffed brownies; and cinnamon rolls. I just love desserts, and that may be why I have spent so much money on food in the last few months. I haven't bought real food, I've bought baking food. And it's just so much more fun than real food. Anyways, I have about 4 more weeks left of school, and while school is in session; I think I'm going to make a recipe book. And since I've made that decision, I've been really excited about it. If I make it good enough...I may even be able to sell it. Fundraiser for China....Dessert cookbooks, with tried and true dessert recipes. Yes!

I have also recently discovered a love for photography. I have a cousin that does photography, and she got my mom interested in photography, and I have a couple of good friends who do photography (and when I day 'does photography' I mean that they have cameras worth a couple thousand and get paid almost that much to do what they do). Except, I don't that nice of a camera. And I really don't like, bordering on hate, photographing people. I love, love, love to photograph scenery. And I have a pretty decent camera. Somewhere between a point and shoot and a nice camera. It takes awful indoor pictures, but pretty amazing outdoor pictures. So, last weekend, I went on a walk around BYU's campus and took some outdoor pictures. And it was so fun! I spent a couple hours this week editing them and then posted them on my facebook page. I can also see that as a potential career path.

 Waterfall on BYU Campus

Children's toys 

Brick path on BYU Campus 

NYC Buildings Jan 2012

NYC 9/11 Memorial 

Beautiful flowers on BYU Campus 

Match Factory in Bellefonte, PA 

 Boutineer from Rachel on brick wall of Southridge Apts

Talleyrand Park in Bellefonte, PA 

Wall Mural in Provo, UT on Freedom Boulevard

On the topic of career paths, I have also rediscovered my love for American Sign Language. Sometimes, I really don't like it, but it's not because of the language itself, it's because of the teacher. I don't like being taught one way and then getting in trouble for signing it that way, when the teacher thinks it should be a different way. But, I guess that's what you get for learning a language that is not universal and isn't even the same in most households. Anyways, I get so excited now, because when I watch ASL movies or I see people signing, I UNDERSTAND THEM. I understand most of what is signed, and the rest that I don't understand, I am able to fill in with the help of context clues (maybe my 4th grade teacher was onto something). It is just so exciting. Now, if I could only sign like I understand, I could pass the exam right now and become an interpreter. But, alas. It's not that easy. Nothing's ever that easy.

6.more.weeks.

Sometimes you just need to blast music in your headphones and stop worrying about the world.

So, Monday, was a really great day. It was the first of a few 50+ degree days  this week. That in and of itself was amazing. Monday was also the day that I got my assignment for China in the fall. I have been assigned to Weihai, China. For those of you who have absolutely no idea where Weihai is (and neither did I until after a few google searches), it is in eastern china on the very edge of a peninsula. It looks a little something like this :) :) :) :) -->

 Across the ocean from Weihai is South Korea and Japan. Even though I don't get to go to either of these places, it's still pretty cool. This peninsula is pretty large and has almost 1,000 miles of beach on it. I.AM.SO.EXCITED! I am going to be at the beach all the time! :) Weihai is also relatively close to Beijing and Shanghai. I probably wont make it to Hong Kong, but hey, I'm going to be in China. I still think that's pretty great. I told my 7 year old sister that I would be living in China this year, and she gasped and said, "Living?!?". I thought that was pretty great. So, basically Monday was pretty good.

The rest of this week haven't been bad, but they haven't been great either. I am just ready to be done with BYU and roommates and apartments and being jobless. I'm finished. It's too bad, though, that I still have 4 1/2 weeks of school, 1 week of finals, and ILP training standing between me and my flight home.

I did get to see a movie yesterday, about Audism. It was for my ASL class, and going into it, I was thinking, "this is stupid" or "do I really need to go watch this". But it was required, so I went. I am so glad that I did. My career path right now is to become an American Sign Language Interpreter/Translator. That is my dream job right now. Anyways, this video was about audism and what that should mean and does mean to people. Audism is the belief that having the ability to hear makes you superior to those who cannot hear. Audism is essentially discrimination of deaf people. Like sexism or racism, for sexes and races. In the movie these deaf people gave their experiences of discrimination, and my heart broke over and over for the entire hour that this movie went. Especially at the end when there were little, little kids signing. The movie had subtitles, "for the signing impaired" (the movie was entirely in sign). Usually, I find myself just reading subtitles and not worrying about the original content of the movie. However, as I sat there, I found myself actually understanding the majority of what was signed.

It was then that I realized that I really am learning something. I have taken sign language for a year and a half, and I understand a pretty good bit of it. And I can speak somewhat decently as well, atleast hold a conversation. I feel amazing with that realization! I want to be an ASL interpreter, not just because it is a very unique job, or because it is in high demand. I want to be an interpreter because it is the right thing to do. I can make this world better for a group of people who would otherwise be alienated by this world. This world was not made for the deaf, but that's not their fault. Because this world was made for the hearing, it is the hearing's responsibility to make it accessible and accommodating for the deaf. It's up to us not to alienate those who belong here as much as we do.

Weekends Are Great.

So, this week wasn't all that special. It was actually really boring. I didn't have anything to do, and I was ahead on homework. Not fun. But, this weekend was a lot of fun!! Well, atleast Friday and Saturday were great.

So, on Friday, I got all of my paperwork, which includes having applied for my very first passport, in to be able to get assigned to a city in China for this fall. I am so excited! So, hopefully, I'll get that assignment on Monday and I can finally make definite plans for this summer! I also played in my first real soccer game Friday night. Well, my first soccer game since I was like 4. Doesn't really count. The game was pretty awful. We got beat 9-0. I basically stood there on the field looking like an idiot. I didn't know the rules, so I wasn't sure how much contact was allowed. Or where I was supposed to be. Or what people were yelling at me for, while I was trying my best to play. I learned one lesson from last night...never agree to play in an intramural game for a sport that you have never played before.

Saturday, today, has been pretty great as well. So, a few weeks ago, my summer roommates and I decided we needed to have another roommate get together. Every roommate reunion so far has consisted of meeting at a central location, and eating at various restaurants throughout the Provo/Orem area. Most of the time, we end up at the Brick Oven, though. Amazing food, awesome Brown Cow Milkshakes, and some really great memories can be found there. Anyways, we decided that instead of going somewhere to eat, that we would just meet at someone's apartment and .... make homemade Cafe Rio! Since it was my idea, I agreed to make the meat. That was quite a surprise even to me, because I've never really cooked meat before, other than ground beef. However, after probably 6 related calls to my mother, 15 frantic google searches, and 2 'oh-i-forgot-a-few-things' grocery store runs, it turned out amazing! Every single one of the girls had atleast 2 burritos, and I think one may have had three. Needless to say, there were no leftovers. So after the girls all left our apartment, Shirley and I retreated to our rooms and dawdled for a few hours. I did a little homework, but not too much! If I get too far ahead, I will be amazingly bored over the week. And then I got this amazing idea...I have chocolate cake mix, cream cheese, and powdered sugar! My roommate last year, Rachel, would always make these awesome homemade oreos, and I realized that I have all the ingredients for that. So, that is what I just finished making, and I'm pretty proud of them. I found the idea online to roll the edges of the 'oreos' in sprinkles, to make them pretty, and it worked! 

Also, just as a side note, I woke up in the middle of the night two nights ago, holding my lamp in my arms, all wrapped up in the cord. I was so confused, but once I realized what I was doing, I clipped it back on my bed frame, and went back to sleep. It was so weird!

Also, also...I will be home in 49 days! I am so excited to start this new chapter of my life and say 'see you later' to college and school. I've been in school for over 16 years of my life. That's a long time! I am also super excited, because my favorite cousin, Brittney, has decided to take a vacation to Pennsylvania at the exact time that I'm going home. We are even on the same flight! 

:-)

Day 1

When I was in high school, Demi Lovato was becoming a popular singer and actress. In her movie, Camp Rock, she sang a song called, This is Me. Basically, she is saying in her song that she is going to let the real her show, and she is going to stop trying to be someone else. That's what I've decided. 

It's too much work being sad and and attempting to please everyone. I am just going to be me, and try to please me, and if anyone else is not ok with that, they aren't worth my time.

30 Day Photography Challenge. Really.

So, I love taking pictures! A couple of years ago, my mom went out and bought a really nice camera. I laughed at her. I thought, "you're not a photographer, what do you know about photography?" But, I forgot, however, how smart and awesome my mom is. People can learn stuff, pretty easily, and now she's gotten pretty good. Every time I go home, because of being a photo-deprived child, I secretly long that she will take me along on a photo shoot and that I can get a few awesome, new facebook pictures :) But, now that I have a decently good camera, I am going to become my own photographer. Right here, right now. Well, starting tomorrow, at least.

p.s. Isn't Pinterest the absolute best website ever? Seriously.

Inspirational Movies and Cupcakes!

I have done pretty much nothing this weekend, except for watch TV and make food. I have been so bored! Well, one of the movies I watched was called 5th Quarter. I basically bawled the entire movie, its that good. It's all about a family that loses their 15 year old son in a car accident, and the boy's older brother goes on to play an amazing season of football in his little brother's name and memory. The older brother's motto through the movie is "play for two". This movie just made me that much more grateful that I have my family, alive and accessible to me. I love my family so much!

I also did some cooking and baking this weekend. My ward is having an activity tomorrow night, so that we can do ecclesiastical endorsements, and the activity is that we are basically playing Bunco and bringing food that we learned to make either from pinterest or a mission. Since I haven't exactly gone on a mission yet, I was stuck with pinterest recipes...however, that wasn't bad at all. Pinterest is basically my favorite website of all time, except for facebook and google, of course!

So the recipe that I chose is Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough Cupcakes. Even the name sounds fantastic! This recipe comes from the blog Annie's Eats, and here's the url for the actual blog..http://annies-eats.com/2010/04/01/chocolate-chip-cookie-dough-cupcakes/. Here's the recipe, below, so that you, too, can experience heaven on earth. Careful, though, these cupcakes take almost 2 boxes of butter (or margarine), so don't eat too many. You'll get fat.

Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough Cupcakes

Yield: 24 cupcakes

INGREDIENTS

For the cupcakes:
3 sticks unsalted butter, at room temperature
1½ cups light brown sugar, packed
4 large eggs
2 2/3 cups all-purpose flour
1 tsp. baking powder
1 tsp. baking soda
¼ tsp. salt
1 cup milk
2 tsp. vanilla extract
1 cup chocolate chips (semisweet or bittersweet)

For the filling:
4 tbsp. unsalted butter, at room temperature
6 tbsp. light brown sugar, packed
1 cup plus 2 tbsp. all-purpose flour
7 oz. sweetened condensed milk
½ tsp. vanilla extract
¼ cup mini semisweet chocolate chips

For the frosting: 
3 sticks unsalted butter, at room temperature
¾ cup light brown sugar, packed
3½ cups confectioners’ sugar
1 cup all-purpose flour
¾ tsp. salt
3 tbsp. milk
2½ tsp. vanilla extract

For garnish:
Tiny chocolate chip cookies
Mini chocolate chips

DIRECTIONS

• To make the cupcakes, preheat the oven to 350° F. Line two cupcake pans with paper liners (24 total). In the bowl of a stand mixer fitted with the paddle attachment, combine the butter and brown sugar. Beat together on medium-high speed until light and fluffy, about 3 minutes. Mix in the eggs one at a time, beating well after each addition and scraping down the sides of the bowl as needed.
• Combine the flour, baking powder, baking soda, and salt in a medium bowl. Stir together to blend. Add the dry ingredients to the mixer bowl on low speed, alternating with the milk, beginning and ending with the dry ingredients, mixing each addition just until incorporated. Blend in the vanilla. Fold in the chocolate chips with a spatula.
• Divide the batter evenly between the prepared cupcake liners. Bake for 18-20 minutes, until a toothpick inserted in the center comes out clean. Allow to cool in the pan 5-10 minutes, then transfer to a wire rack to cool completely.
• To make the cookie dough filling, combine the butter and sugar in a mixing bowl and cream on medium-high speed until light and fluffy, about 2 minutes. Beat in the flour, sweetened condensed milk and vanilla until incorporated and smooth. Stir in the chocolate chips. Cover with plastic wrap and refrigerate until the mixture has firmed up a bit, about an hour.
• To fill the cupcakes, cut a cone-shaped portion out of the center of each cupcake. Fill each hole with a chunk of the chilled cookie dough mixture.
• To make the frosting, beat together the butter and brown sugar in the bowl of a stand mixer fitted with the paddle attachment until creamy. Mix in the confectioners’ sugar until smooth. Beat in the flour and salt. Mix in the milk and vanilla extract until smooth and well blended.
• Frost the filled cupcakes as desired, sprinkling with mini chocolate chips and topping with mini chocolate chip cookies for decoration.