It's all how you view it.

One thing I’ve realized recently is that everything is relative. If something is hard, it’s not really hard. It’s just HARDER than yesterday or the day before or the last time you tried that thing. That’s the same thing with “I feel hot” or “it’s so cold” or “I’m bored” or even “I am so tall!” Very few things are so real, so true, that how you feel about them can’t be changed.

For example, I ran track and field off and on for most of my middle school and high school years. My freshman year I was a sprinter and we had to run a lot because we were at the high school and it was hard. In the past it had just been go to practice, run a few lengths of the hurdles, sit around and talk, and then go home. Suddenly it was run half a mile to warm up, run a mile for conditioning, then run a few lengths of the hurdles or the 200 m, and then run another half mile for a cool down. We would end up running probably 3 or 4 miles during each practice and we would have practice every day. It was hard.

So I told myself it was easy.

Running was sissy stuff. I could do this in my sleep. It took me a few weeks but then eventually I didn’t mind running. It used to be hard but then it was easy. I’ve done the same thing with work.

My first day back at  work this year I came home and bawled for pretty close to 2 hours. It was hard. Really hard. I was so ready to quit. And if it hadn’t been for my loving parents I would have. But, now it’s easy. My job includes various degrees of busy. Sometimes I have to erect boxes for 1 machine, sometimes I have to erect boxes for 2 or 3. Other times I have to label boxes for just 1 machine and other times I have to label boxes for as many as 6 machines. Sometimes I’m bored and my job is easy. Other times I’m busy and my job is hard. But it’s all completely relative.

So, basically, what I’m trying to say is that when you feel an unpleasant emotion, YOU have control over it. When you’re bored, make life more interesting. When you’re cold, remember someone is colder than you. When you’re sad, remember you’ve been sadder before and you’ve been happier before and you will be happy again. I will do my best to remember this, but if I get to complaining too much, just remind me:

Life is relative. It will get better and it can immediately if you just change your thinking. It’s all up to you.

Almost 20...#2

11) I am absolutely in love with American Sign Language.

12) Seriously craving spaghetti right now.

13) I am so afraid of the dark, it's really ridiculous. Every time I'm in the dark,, I get this feeling like I need to scream and run and draw attention to myself so I don't get taken wihtout a trace.

14) I HATE having bare feet. unless they're in sandals. Otherwise I always need to either have my feet covered by a blanket or having socks on.

15) I want blonde hair and sometimes I think I could pull it off with my ditzy personality. Othertimes I think it would look ridiculous on me. Also, I'm so unadventerous with permanent things it's silly.

16) I buy bobby pins so often and I always only end up exactly 3 left in a pack before I need to buy another pack. I blame my parents for always throwing them away.

17) I have the hardest time doing laundry. Good thing I have SO MANY CLOTHES!

18) I love photography. Taking pictures is so fun and I especially love taking photos of buildings and scenery and flowers. People are fun, too but not my favorite.

19) Music was a HUGE part of my life for 8+ years. And now I haven't touched an instrument in almost 3 years. I seriously dream of musical instruments. I think when I finally get back into it I will take up violin or cello.

Almost 20...

My 20th birthday is in 15 days. I am almost 2 decades old. Um, ok. So in honor of being almost not 19 anymore here are 19 random things about me:

1)The closer my birthday is, the more stuff I want. But I don't want it in 2 weeks or 6 weeks (for Christmas). I want it now. So I end up just buying it myself. I think I spend more money in the weeks leading up to my birthday and Christmas than I do the rest of the year.

2) I am super into instant gratification. Major Problem.

3) I basically work in solitary confinement. So I end up talking to myself and singing to myself. I may just be going crazy. Maybe.

4) I have an addictive personality. My whole family does. Currently I am addicted to cookie dough and television. More specifically HULU. Does anyone see fat old cat lady in the works?

5) I HATE, HATE, HATE working night shift. 7pm-7am. It sucks. Never seeing daylight just makes for a depressing me and then the days I have off are really nights off and even then I only see my family for a few extra hours. And my days off are spent in solitary confinement, or so it feels. That makes for 30 days of solitary little old me. Not good.

6) Sometimes I feel like my life will be over tomorrow or when I turn 20 or 25 or something like that. I kind of have a problem living in the moment. I'm working on that.

7) I went to South Carolina last week and it was my first time south of Moab, Utah. I am absolutely convinced that cotton fields are the COOLEST THING EVER!!!

8) I want long hair so bad, but I have no patience for combing my hair even now and I love getting my hair cut too much to let it grow.

9) I want to travel to places I've never been and to places no one else really wants to go. I want to go to Dar Es Salaam, Tanzania; I want to go to the Dingle Peninsula, Ireland (or basically hike from coast to coast) ; I want to go to someplace in Australia.

10) I am quickly deciding that the only American food places I like are McDonalds and Burger King. I'm not really sure what that says about me.

Numbers 10-19 coming soon...

Dreams

This week I was lucky enough to be able to go to South Carolina with my dad for a much needed vacation. Even though my dad was at work all week, and I was alone all week, and it was a 10+ hour drive, it was still a lot of fun!

I got to do a lot of shopping, money-spending, and LOTS of driving.

On Wednesday, I decided that instead of sitting around the hotel or driving around getting lost I should go to Myrtle Beach. So, I drove and drove and drove, and 2 hours later, I saw the Ripley's Aquarium in Myrtle Beach. So I stopped, spent a great deal of money and saw some freaking cool sharks and jellyfish. Afterwards, I drove some more and finally found the beach. It wasn't Myrtle Beach...I couldn't actually find that one. I did end up at Surfside Beach, the family beach. Oh, well. It was clean and long and sandy. I love the beach!

So, as I was walking along the beach I realized something. I realized I have no dreams....

And this is a major problem.

Sure I say I have a goal to graduate college, have a family, go on a mission, but those aren't really dreams. Those are things I am just waiting and expecting to happen. Problem.

Also, I have realized that my life is boring. Like really boring. Like I go to work, sleep, eat, and spend time with my family. My best friends are 5 and 8! I was complaining just the other day that high school was turning out to be the best time of my life so far. I went cool places, had cool friends, and had cool dreams. Now, not so much. I've become complacent and lethargic and BORING.

So, this week, I am going to make real goals and create real dreams. I am going to create the life I want and I'm going to stop waiting around for something to change. I'll let you know soon what those dreams are when I know.

Missions and Missionaries

So, today at General Conference, President Monson, my church's prophet, seer, and revelator made a historic accouncement. That announcement lowered the age to serve a mission from 19 to 18 for young men and from 21 to 19 for young women. Monumental.

I have spent the last year debating on what to do for the next couple of years until I turn 21 and can go on a mission. And going on a mission has always been the plan. I don't plan to go on a mission because my parents have told me I need to. I don't plan on going on a mission because everybody else is or because if I don't I'll apostasize and become a drug addict. I plan to go on a mission because I want to. I have seen the good that missionaries can bring to people's lives and I have seen the good that this church has brought to my life. Why wouldn't someone want to share something that has bettered them. That's almost like eating chocolate and not ever sharing it with anyone. ever. Even if it tastes better than anything you've ever had. If you find something good, you always want to share. And that is how this religion is for me.

Since the announcement from President Monson this morning at 12 EST the online world has exploded. On my facebook page, all young women who are 19 or 20 have a status referring to "major life changes ahead" or "whoa" or even, my personal favorite, "and God said let there be no 19 year olds at BYU and it was done". But the internet has also exploded with not so favorable reactions to the announcement. Many people think that this is a ploy by the Mormon church to take away free agency from their young members a year sooner. Or a way to brainwash their youth. Or whatnot. I say again, I do not plan to serve a mission because I've been told I must. Or because everyone else is. Or because I'm afraid of falling away from the church and this is the ONLY way to prevent that. No.

I plan to serve a mission because I believe in my Savior Jesus Christ. I believe that He and my Heavenly Father have given me everything that I have and more. I believe that they have sacrificed everything for me, and if I give them a year and a half of my life (which isn't really giving it away, it'll still affect me for the better), I will become a better person for it. And I believe that if I can improve just one person's life with what I know, then why not go?

I plan to serve a mission because I must for me and my Lord and Savior.