Well, after so much time away without posting anything...I'm back. But I didnt just disappear. I didnt just stop writing. I was a little busy. I was actually in Brasil speaking Portuguese being a missionary for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. I was there for a year and a half, and I just have to tell you that it was the best adventure of my life to date. It was wonderful being an official representative of Jesus Christ and helping the Capixabas feel the spirit of God. I cant say that I had incredible success or that millions of people got baptized while I was there, but I did what I could and I feel satisfied with my work. I just wish that I could continue with that same "I know what my life purpose is in this very moment" thought-process.
I am just lost. I have been home from my mission for almost 3 weeks. And, sadly, my family moved about 4 weeks before I came home. So I didnt really come home to a place that I had acquaintances, nor knew anything about the city, or where I could work, or really anything. I know nothing. Nothing is familiar to me and I feel like I am in a black hole. I dont have any money. I dont know how to progress. I feel like there is a secret code here in the Southern USA and I have yet to figure it out. I dont know if I am to go back to school, or when that would even be. I dont know how to fit in. I dont know how to make friends. I dont know.
One thing that I have learned about myself from these last 3 weeks is that I am a fraidy-cat. I have lots of "what-ifs" running (actually sprinting) through my head and I think that I havent made a move because I am afraid of failing. I have had so many awesome experiences, but I cant seem to remember how these things started out...I just know that I was good at it and I survived. But all those scary beginnings have been blocked out making me feel like this can be the end of the world if I dont make it and it could be the start of something incredible if I do make it....I just dont like cliff-jumping all that much.
Its still wierd to me how you throw toilet paper in the toilet and not in a wastebasket. And how rice and beans are not a daily staple. And that dinner is the big family meal, not lunch. It is odd to me to drive everywhere and not be able to walk anywhere. Its wierd that there arent so many beauty salons or churches or pastel places on the side of the street. I miss the greeting hugs and kisses that strangers give and the crazy fast portuguese and the different accents from all over the country. I love adventure and the unknown and not having to worry about anything other than other peoples salvation.
Okay, I guess I was trying to make it so that I didnt show that I missed my mission, but I do. So lets get that out there, and move on....come on booty, you only gots a couple months in middle-of-nowheres-ville. Lets get moving. All pride aside. You can leap because youve got God as your harness. What is your dream??
